Monday, April 28, 2008

I love Her, She Doesn't Like Me mk 2

When she left, she left behind a bag of things I'd given or loaned her over the years. She included a card and a gift. I hadn't wanted to look at those, partly because it would confirm that she had gone and I hadn't wanted to accept that. But I thought of what might happen if she wasn't gone forever, and I still hadn't opened them, and I, a few months later, decided to open them.
The card was lovely. Home made. Symbols pasted on the outside signifying something I didn't know. But the words were as sharp as I had feared. They cut, and so I put off opening the gift for a few days.

Waking in the mornings is the hardest thing when there is no work. There is work today, and so I do what I must. When she had been overseas, but I thought there was a future, it was so easy to get things done. I could plan. But now I am hesitant and I find it hard to finish anything, or start anything. I do what I must. A few days had passed, and so, last night, I opened the gift. I had intended, at first, to keep it and give it back to her. To tell her that it was thoughtful, but something she should give to someone she likes. But I came to realize that that was hurtful of me.
It was beautiful. Thoughtful and insightful. The markings on the card were related to the gift. Wax candle with colorful glass symbols and a glass jar. I consider the quote by Deepak Chopra
Everything that is happening at this moment is a result of choices you made in the past
Strictly speaking, that isn't true. But if I light the candle, time will pass. Things will become easier. I do what I must.
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