Ray Debus

In 1979 I turned 12. Living in Roseville, for a time then in 1980 lived in Turramurra. My parents were divorcing and my mother put my father in an impossible situation, and involved me in the divorce proceedings. My father had beaten me as a child, and had continued to during the divorce. Usually, he was egged on by my mother to do so. I was asked to provide testimony, and so was presented to an officer of the court to hear it. It was arranged that my father would drive me there, and along the way, he would threaten to beat me for telling stories. I tried to explain myself to the lawyer, who managed to misrepresent anything I said. I had pointed out my mother was a drunk but my father used to hit me and I didn't want to be hit, and did not respect my mother. The end result on judgement of divorce was that I'd live with my mother but live with my dad on weekends. He had continued his beatings. My mother arranged for me to spend my time with Ray Debus.


The first weekend with Ray did not go as I wished. For reasons I do not understand, he insisted on showering with me, washing my bottom and body, and getting me, while naked, to ride on his shoulders while he got me to admire the great view of Sydney Harbour (or whatever that water view is in Drummoyne). In the morning he was solicitous and took me back home. I asked not to see him again. My mother gave me the choice of him or my dad. I chose my dad. Later in the year, after I told my mother what had happened, she invited Ray to dinner, and instructed me to be well behaved. Afterwards, she said "He did not hurt you" and she organised that she could holiday at his holiday house near the beach. A couple of times a year. When I eventually graduated from university, my mother invited him to the ceremony, I asked her why after I asked him why he was there. She said she had hoped I would cause a scene at my dad's workplace. I left home for a second time, having left home when I was 20, but reconciled when I was near graduating age 23, and when I left again, I have never spoken to her since. Shortly before he died, Ray sent me childhood keepsake photos he had had. I never explained to him how inappropriate he had been. My mother would justify herself, saying her father had raped her when she was about 7, and after.